Two days later, I stopped to listen to a flutist play on the pavement. His music seemed to tell a story and drew me into having an interesting conversation. The flutist was Dido, a 60 year old ex french chef by profession who had lost the love of his life, his dear wife in an accident a couple of years ago. His eyes were filled with tears and voice with sadness as he shared his story. He was clearly feeling her absence, a sense of lack, an inner emptiness. He said he didn’t have the courage to commit suicide and so he decided to use his talent and share his joy and pain to please passers by and find a way to heal. He was what I call using his music as a means to surf the wave. I shared my experience and made sure to stay with him till he was smiling and happy in the present moment.

On my flight back, I read an article in the paper about a mum of three kids, heavily pregnant with her fourth child, who ended up killing her children and then commiting suicide because her boyfriend had left her. The woman felt there was nothing more to live for, a sense of loneliness and emptiness resulting from the absence of a loved one. This was clearly a case of getting carried away with fearful insecure thinking in the moment, which I describe as being similar to sinking under a wave.

We all go through life feeling happy one moment and sad the other. It’s a natural human tendency to go through periods in life where we feel weak, vulnerable, inadequate, unhappy, in need of support that we’re not getting or feeling as if somehow noone loves or even cares about us. Just as we sometimes feel hungry, tired, bored, excited and happy and our life experience reflects that.

Loneliness gives rise to boredom, frustration and depression. Discontentment in life leads to unhappiness. Absence of a loved one makes one sad. A good cry can help in releasing negative or painful feelings and emotions. Please do accept and acknowledge your feelings, express it and get it out of your system rather than let it get the better of you. Know even if you think that you are in a situation that you find too difficult to handle in the moment, that too shall pass as soon as your thinking about your situation changes.

The problem arises when one gets stuck in a habitual thinking cycle of what’s missing rather than what’s already available in the present moment. This is what gets one into a downward spiral, where instead of surfing the wave, you let it wash all over you and get sunk.

Although noone can fill the space left empty by the absence of a loved one, it is important to know,you are whole and complete and you are ok, no matter what. You are the creator of your thoughts and therefore your experience of reality. Feelings of love, acceptance, understanding and care come from within you not from anyone or anything external. These feelings are not a reflection of who you really are or what you’re capable of, it’s just something we all experience as our thinking goes up and down and so do our feelings that accompany it. Being content with what you have in life in the present moment immediately removes feelings of lack and gratitude for everything brings to surface the beauty of what’s already there in the present moment.

“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ― Lao Tzu

Please make sure to forward this article to anyone you know who might benefit.

With love and Respect
Jaya Mudaliar

On not being able to save sufficient funds, the lady went to the salon and sold her hair to buy the watch strap and the husband sold his watch to buy the hair clips. The worst or the best part of the story was the couple’s reaction on receiving their gift. Both partners were so deeply in love, that they gave up their pricest possession for each other selflessly.

So do you think such stories of selfless love exist in today’s modern day and age? I am helping you drop the illusion so you can experience authentic love and not fabricated love that results in conditions, expectations and disappointments. Think about this, all relationships start out with the so-called fantasy and romance, but it does not take long before it turns into this; I want from you and you want from me or I expect from you and you expect from me. That initial love has now become conditional love. You feel good only when your partner fulfills particular conditions and behaviors and you get upset when he or she does not.

In relationships when the “I” comes before the “You” that is, a partner instead of loving, understanding, communicating and giving starts assuming, wanting, expecting and blaming it leads to feelings of frustration, anger, disappointment and resentment. When couples hold on to each other’s past failures and mistakes, it creates a block that prevents them from seeing things clearly and communicate effectively thus leading to a further distance.

The way forward here is to let go of expectations and move towards forgiveness, acceptance and love. The energy of love is powerful and can heal past wounds. The reason why many relationships struggle is because one forgets to love themselves first, so you give the job to someone else to do and get upset when they cannot do what you cannot or refuse to do yourself.

When you are feeling full of love the most natural tendency is to give that to others around you irrespective of receiving anything back in return. It is only when you feel empty from within and you think something is missing or lacking you then start wanting or desiring that from others. This wanting or desiring something back in return disrupts the free flow of giving and receiving between partners.

In relationships partners can be both loving and detached (free from dependencies and expectations). Both partners communicate clearly and are understanding of each other’s needs and requirements and give selflessly. The love I’m referring to is a much higher love, where there is acceptance and appreciation rather than the love most people get into which is conditional where partners are constantly trying to change or mould each other to their liking.

Unconditional love on the other hand is sacred love that occurs only when illusions and judgments are dropped. It is love that is not built on expectation, fear, worry or circumstances. You just continue to keep loving the person irrespective of whether they are there or not there with you or they love you back in return. It’s like being in the presence of an infant, you naturally experience a unique and sacred love. It is innocent and pure because you don’t expect anything from the child, you do not look out for praise, gifts, flowers, or fine dining. It is their presence that brings out the love in you. Nothing else.

We as adults and society have forgotten this and have separated from such innocence and purity. People continue to create ideas and concepts about how a loving relationship “should be” and if it does not match that expectation then the love is gone. When you drop the illusions, you will find love not only in relationships but in the world around you as well.

Now you may be wondering whether i’m talking of some fairytale romance that is only seen in children’s story books. As far fetched as it may sound, somewhere deep down i know and believe in my heart such relationships however rare, do exist. The idea is to start creating the change within to see that reflected on the outside.

The joy is in giving selflessly and not wanting or expecting anything in return. When you give up the desire to want anything, you will notice that things come to you naturally at the right time of need.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

With love and Respect
Jaya

It’s even worse when you feel lonely, despite being with a person. During a conversation when your partner is with you physically but elsewhere mentally, that is lost in their own thoughts, there is no real connection or acknowledgement of being noticed. Analysing or rationalising what your partner is saying affects the quality of their interaction and has a knock on effect on their relationship. In the absence of real connection, intimacy between partners gets affected, a partner may feel taken for granted ultimately loosing the freshness and desire for being with each other. During arguments there is a level of engagement between partners but when that doesn’t seem to get anywhere, both partners may either give in or give up leaving no possibility of movement within the relationship.

Many of us can easily get caught up in the “doing” where it becomes difficult to switch off mentally and forget to acknowledge and appreciate the presence of another human being. It’s easy to get bogged down with work priorities where one fails to show affection and appreciation to people who mean the most to them. We all want to feel loved, understood and cared for. One of our basic need is that of giving and receiving attention. When that need is not fulfilled, one diverts their attention in doing something else inorder to ignore the real problem.

In a relationship it’s important to provide the space for your partner where they feel free share and express their views and concerns without being judged or interrupted. Being present and listening to your partner for a feeling plays an important role in establishing a better connection between the two. When your partner does not feel heard or understood, they tend to keep away from conversations so as to avoid receiving the same response.

Sometimes i wonder how would relationships be, in the absence of cell phones, computers and tv? Imagine how special your partner would feel if you gave them your undivided attention and spent the day in each other’s company. Maybe a walk in nature, some gardening, cooking together, listening to music or just a few moments to really connect and get to know how each one’s been doing. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a small gesture of love, care and understanding can go along way in strengthening a relationship.

When you’re present in your relationship, you have no judgements, no conditions as to how the other should be, no emotional baggage from the past, or any opinions and limitations. Being present means that you’re not doing anything other than just being. It’s using all your senses to be fully where you are, and allowing the experience to unfold and it can be quite magical. It’s about getting out of your head and in touch with your feelings and enhancing the intensity of what is, whilst appreciating every moment of being in each other’s company.

When you’re talking look into the eyes of your partner and connect soul to soul. When you are connected deeply you may find words aren’t always necessary to convey the message. You could be saying a lot even without saying anything at all. There’s just a beautiful feeling between the two partners that lingers on.

It’s not the fancy or expensive presents that matter. It’s your presence that makes the biggest difference. If you want to give a real gift to someone give them your time, care and attention. A loving heart doesn’t expect much more than that. It’s your company and presence that they most appreciate. So wouldn’t it be great to gift to the other what they need and spend quality time enjoying each other’s company?

When you learn to love your partner from the heart, be present and appreciate them for the miracle of life that they are, you allow the magic to flow and love graces every corner of your life.

“Life is available only in the present moment. If you abandon the present moment you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply”. – Thich Nhat Hanh

With Love and Respect
Jaya Mudaliar

Last weekend, i intuitively found myself at a gathering listening to someone whom I’d never met or heard of, speak on a topic which I hadn’t a clue of. It all came together in the end and made complete sense. The topic of discussion was starting anew.

During the discussion, we were asked to list our feelings whilst doing things we’re most passionate about. The energy in the room shifted as everyone shared their experience of feeling light, happy, carefree, enthusiastic, daring, trusting, having faith and a deep knowing that they’re on the right track. However some of us had difficulty reconnecting with such feelings because of events of the recent past.

We all have dreams, aspirations and goals we’d like to achieve. Some of us know deep down what is that truly matters, fulfills and inspires us and why we’re here on this planet, but tend to loose sight of it amidst all the demands, challenges, responsibilities and distractions in life.

When you have a dream or a goal that is close to your heart and you’ve suffered a set back in the past. It’s easy to loose hope and faith in yourself and it can feel like an uphill task to remain motivated, determined and enthusiastic on your own. This doesn’t mean you’ve given up on your passion or dream. It just means it’s got buried somewhere and needs a little resurfacing.

When you’re in the flow and living your passion it is accompanied with feelings of curiosity, adventure, love, joy, faith, enthusiasm, action and success and everything seems to fall beautifully in place. These are our natural feelings that create an atmosphere around you and light up your surroundings.

On the other hand, it can be quite a struggle when you try to plan, control and manipulate events, people and situations. It drains you of your energy and inner resources making you feel heavy, burdened, disappointed and disillusioned when things don’t turn out as expected.

So what should one do in such a situation? Well! everything in life happens for a reason and life is not meant to be a battle or a struggle. When we try to stick to our own plan of how things should work, the universe may have something completely different in store. So the best way forward is to have no plan at all. Be spontaneous and go with the flow of whatever life is presenting you in the moment. Trust your wisdom and intuition to guide you in taking the next step forward. Remember you will not be able to clearly catch the signals of your intuition in the presence of any hidden fears or insecurities.

I was reminded of three things at the talk that can help in starting afresh every day.

The first thoughts of the day are powerful as they create the foundation for the rest of your day. So begin each day with a positive thought either by listening to or reading something inspirational and enlightening or just spend a few minutes in silence to create a positive and uplifting thought.

Secondly, the last thing you think about at night is equally important. Spend a few minutes in silence before bedtime and empty your mind of any unwanted clutter and emotions such as anger, resentment, guilt, fear, sadness, unintentional hurt or upset you may have caused or experienced during the day or in the past. Be open and willing to forgive yourself and others of any mistakes. Opening yourself to self love and love for others will bring a big smile on your face and make you feel great.

Thirdly be grateful for all the experiences in your life. They came your way to teach you something and actually are a blessing in disguise enabling you to grow more fully into the person you were always meant to be. Surrendering your mind and intellect to a higher power than yourself can lighten the burden you’ve been carrying around on your shoulders and help you feel carefree and joyous once again.

A physical form of exercise or just a walk in nature with some deep breathing and a good breakfast can be a great start to the day.

Don’t be disheartened and give up due to past failures or mistakes. Seek to see the perfection in the imperfection. You’re only a thought away in letting go of the old and welcoming the new. Have a big heart and move forward with faith, courage and enthusiasm. When you do that, you will create the way for others to do the same. So what are you waiting for. Go for it….. be spontaneous and enjoy the many adventures that life brings your way, appreciating the beauty and magic of the present moment.

Most importantly, remember YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND AMAZING just the way you are.

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ― Carl Bard

With
Love and Respect
Jaya Mudaliar

When someone is going through a difficult phase such as separation, it’s not just their health and wellbeing that is affected but also of those around them. So how easy is it in reality to forgive someone who has been selfish and let you down maybe once or in some cases repeatedly. One goes though a whole array of emotions from loss of trust, helplessness, despair to fear, anger and hate. Things only become more difficult and go out of hand when one lets these feelings govern every aspect of their life.

We experience two Basic Emotions In Life – Love and Fear. All other emotions are variations of these two emotions. Thoughts and behavior come from either a place of love, or fear. Anxiety, anger, control, sadness, depression, inadequacy, confusion, hurt, lonely, guilt, shame, these are all fear-based emotions. Emotions such as joy, happiness, caring, trust, compassion, truth, contentment, satisfaction, these are love-based emotions.

The degree of intensity of both types of emotions varies from being mild, moderate and strong. The emotion that underpins anger is fear. So in this case anger, at a milder form will show up as dismay and despair, at a moderate intensity an individual may feel offended and exasperated, at a stronger intensity it will lead to rage or HATE. All these emotions stem from FEAR of loss and the resulting behaviour is distancing yourself from the other individual as a way of protecting yourself from the cycle of further hurt and pain.

On a physical level, Emotions directly affect the way our body works. Fear-based emotions stimulate the release of a different set of chemicals as compared to love-based emotions. If the fear-based emotions are long-term or chronic they damage the chemical and immune system of our bodies. Fewer white blood cells are produced by the body, which reduces one’s immunity and leads to illnesses. Apart from grieving the loss of a loved one, if you’re experiencing stress due to other issues in life, your body is bound to suffer even more. When we have an experience that we find painful or difficult, and are either unable to cope with the pain, or just afraid of it, we often dismiss this emotion by resorting to irregular behaviour patterns such as under/over working or eating, excessive smoking, drinking, exercising, or just pretend it’s not happened, thus resulting in poor eating habits, problems with sleeping, restlessness, dramatic weight gain or loss, lethargy or low energy, and various other manifestations.

When we do this to consciously avoid feeling the emotion and it results in what is called as repressed, suppressed or buried emotions. Emotions that are buried for a long period are the ones that normally cause physical illness. They inhibit the free flow of energy in our body as these negative emotions affect our muscles, ligaments, stomach, midriff and aura.

People are afraid to really feel their feelings, afraid of losing control, afraid of crying openly incase they come across as being seen as weak. I just want to say, It’s ok not be ok. The most helpful thing you can do is to acknowledge the grief and allow yourself to face the painful emotions. Expressing the emotion helps you bring it out of your system rather than suppress it and let it eat you internally.

I know it’s hard to be concerned about yourself physically when you’re hurt so badly emotionally, but good nutrition, exercise and proper rest, can considerably decrease the potential for illness to develop because it displaces and releases the tension brought on by the stress of grief.

External Distractions such as a new house, a new job, a new partner, a holiday none of these things can change how you feel. The only person who can change the way you feel is YOU. One needs to understand we take our feelings with us wherever we go unless and until we change the thoughts that lead to those feelings.

My reply to my friend was “It is possible to trust and be friends again, provided you forgive from the heart and not the head . When you live your life from a place of hatred or hurt you are doing yourself further damage by furthering your self away from who you really are, because Who you really are is quite the opposite of hate, it is love . There can either be love or fear, both cannot co-exist”.

The best way to release the feeling of hurt IS TO FORGIVE, you cannot turn back the clock, but what you can do, is decide how you want to live your life from now on. By looking at things from a different perspective and being more understanding of the state of mind of the individual and other possible reasons that led them to behave in a certain manner, will aid forgiving from the heart. Remember you are not forgiving the crime or the act of the individual, you are only letting go of the pain and the hurt you’ve been feeling. And it takes great inner strength and courage to do that.

You’re only a thought away to letting go of all the hurt and pain. Our health is innate, thereby releasing the emotion of sadness and hurt through forgiveness from the heart will help you return to your natural wholeness, your true self, a BEING of Peace and Love. When you start living your life from that place, it will be possible to trust and be friends again.

The power of forgiveness is the biggest gift you give yourself and others and is the first step towards experiencing your wholeness .

Take good care of yourself and please feel free to share your thoughts and views.

Love and Respect
JAYA MUDALIAR

It was a touching moment as it was my last session of the workshop. Over a short period of time, the members and myself developed a strong bond by supporting and encouraging each other in sharing and learning from our life journey. What I noticed then, was one of the members was very upset and said he did his “best to avoid coming as it was hard to say goodbye”. We’ve all been through such moments where we really enjoy being ourselves in the company of an individual or a group of people with a common purpose and then before you know it, it’s time to say goodbye. For some it seems easy to move on and for the others it’s hard to let go because of the strong bond they’ve established. So where does this upset come from and what is it, that causes some of us to feel that way?

We feel upset and that’s because we’re thinking of something that is upsetting us. So the idea is to stop thinking about the thing that is upsetting you and then that will hopefully make you feel better. So why is it that sometimes even if we momentarily stop thinking about the things that upset us they tend to come back with greater intensity to upset us even more? Now you’d say it’s just the transient nature of our thinking that changes every moment and makes us feel the way we do. I’d like to go a little deeper and say yes everything you feel has got to do with the way you think but the upset in this case comes from not being able to let go due to a strong attachment. Yes, attachment to a particular object, event or an individual.

What leads to attachment and Why does one get more attracted or attached to someone more than another? It’s surely not the time period that matters because you can know a person for many many years and still not feel the same connection or intensity of emotion than when you get to know someone within a short space of time and have a totally different experience.

It’s got to do with the attitude, disposition and demeanour of a person, that resonates with something in yourself and that’s what draws one individual to another thus leading to a strong connection and bond between the two. A person’s attitude creates an environment around them, that is conducive for others to be themselves inorder to learn and grow. It’s the way one feels when they are in the company of that individual, and that’s what one remembers when they are apart. The feeling of being accepted for who you are and comfortable with yourself without the need for any pretence. Some people bring out the best in others, whilst others tend to press the wrong buttons. The responsibility lies with the individual in choosing how they respond in both these situations. At the end of the day, it’s the attitude and the way one carries themselves in the world that makes all the difference.

We are all free to choose how we wish to create our experience of reality based on our thinking, but when it comes to saying goodbye and letting go, it seems like the most difficult task as separation is accompanied with feelings of pain and discomfort. On the other hand saying goodbye, whilst being detached, appreciating the presence of the individual and celebrating the time spent together can result in a totally different experience and can actually, be very liberating.

So, Where in your life are you saying goodbye to that someone special and how is it that you choose to experience it? Are you comfortable and happy with the choices you’ve made so far or is it out of NO CHOICE? Well! We all have a choice it’s upto each individual to see it and exercise it.

I know saying goodbye can be very hard for some, but having the patience and giving yourself enough time for wounds to heal and for you to move on, on your journey is possible. Be kind, gentle and loving with yourself and remember, ALL IS WELL . Even though an important part of you is missing YOU ARE WHOLE AND COMPLETE . It may not seem like that to you right now but it really is. It’s the time you spent together that matters, not how you left it. Have FAITH in yourself. Everything will work out exactly as it should.

TAKE GOOD CARE.

Love and Respect
Jaya Mudaliar

So, Why is it that some people suffer in silence while as others seek the right help at the right time? This is due to the fact that people who suffer in silence and subject themselves to mistreatment is due to their FEAR. Fear of coming out in the open and being judged, fear of loosing a loved one due to excessive dependency, fear of the effects and consequences of fall out of a relationship.

In our society, an individual’s image is very important, and their personal success is what matters. Previously, I believed that appearing as if I had it all together showed a sign of strength. This was done inorder to show I was happy and to be accepted by others. However, the truth is, everyone has struggles and no one’s life is perfect. So how does it feel when you have to struggle in silence and compare yourself to others and then let this comparison influence your behaviour?

In my experience i found, people avoid talking about personal issues as it leaves them open to vulnerability and increases one’s likelihood of being judged negatively. Therefore, to avoid being judged, most people stay in the “safe” zone in conversations. Rather than opening up and speaking to individuals and seeking help, they find comfort in resorting to other measures such as alcohol, smoking, drugs, excessive intake or avoidance of food etc or go to other drastic measures to cope inorder to feel better. However, inorder to recover from these addictions, these individuals eventually have to open up and talk to trained professionals to find the right solution. Talking to others and sharing your story is an important aspect in the healing process.

I believe a greater connection and bond can be established when one finds the courage to express and be authentic and yet feel vulnerable by letting others know what’s going on in your heart. There were moments where I found it hard to express, and when I finally gathered the courage and spoke my heart out, it felt like going with the flow it made me feel more connected to who I really was, and then it wasn’t important anymore of how others perceived me to be. As a coach, I find it vital to share my experiences and idiosyncracies as a means of connecting more deeply. We are all human and no one is perfect. I think it’s important to get people talking about what is going on in their lives.

Life is too short, so it’s important to put your time and effort into deeper relationships. They are so important. Just remember that some relationships take time, some connections don’t happen immediately or when you want them to. Don’t give up when things go wrong or are slower than you had hoped. Be patient with the person, people have baggage that may cause them to not open up right away. Also, remember that relationships are two ways on one hand it’s having the courage to open up and on the other it is allowing and opening yourself to vulnerability, when expressing your true feelings. I made a choice to share my experiences with others, so that they can be inspired to share their stories too.

Life is not meant to go through alone. There are many others who may be going through similar circumstances. Sometimes, just by sharing your story, and connecting with others in your community early on can be very reassuring and help you feel lighter. By expressing you open yourself to learning and growing and being more of who you really are and that’s very important. why? Because you’re worth so much more than you think you are.

“Be yourself- not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” – Henry David Thoreau

Love and Respect
Jaya Mudaliar

Although there are many facets of silence, today I’m going to be exploring how it can emerge both as a strength and a weakness depending on the situation. I’m going to start by pointing in the direction of seeing silence as a strength to help diffuse a difficult situation, by sharing with you one of my favourite stories, the understanding of which helped me a lot personally.

One day Lord Buddha was sitting under a banyan tree, a furious man came to him and started hurling abuse. There was not the slightest change in the expression on Buddha’s face. Now, the man became more furious. He hurled more and more abuses at Buddha. However, Buddha was completely unmoved. Actually there was a look of compassion on his face. Ultimately the man was tired of abusing him. He asked, “I have been abusing you like anything, but why are you not angry at all ?”

To this Buddha calmly replied, “Suppose you give some coins to somebody, and if he does not accept them, with whom will those coins remain?” The man replied, “If I have given the coins and they are not needed by someone, then naturally they would remain with me.” With a meaningful smile Buddha said, “Now you are right. The same has happened with your abuses. You came here and hurled abuses at me, but I have not accepted a single abuse from you. Hence, all those abuses remain with you. So there is no reason to be angry with you.”

The man remained speechless. He was ashamed of his behaviour and begged for Buddha’s forgiveness.

The question is how easy is it for any of us to remain untouched, unscathed an unmoved as Buddha, when faced with the anger, judgment and criticism of the other individual? The story implies, the importance of being not doing. This is what creates the space for the other individual to see things clearly and receive the other person’s wisdom. Silence is like holding up a mirror so the other individual can see themselves. It gives one an opportunity to pause and reflect before responding. It gives everyone time to still their mind from distractions, “to be, not do”, to observe, to listen, to sit with whatever comes up and to find the right questions to ask and the solutions to any given problem.

If you’ve got into a cycle of snapping back at the other individual’s comments, notice why that happens? The snapping back may be due to inner insecurities. Acknowledging and addressing them is a good start. Silence is a respectful initial stance and a good first step in creating a new situation where a relationship can be built and strengthened.

Remaining silent internally can also be a great energy conserver. Being Silent grounds us in our natural state of being which is peaceful and loving. When we return to this state, you find the strength and power to endure, reflect and change. It takes a wise man to be calm by remaining in silence and respond rather than react to difficult situations.

So silence can never be a sign of weakness it is always and always a sign of great inner strength.
Hang on a second, I’m about to contradict what I have just said. There are situations where silence can be heralded as a weakness. It would seem most unwise to use silence as a means of bearing all the wrong thinking and doings of the self or the other individual and carry on living your life in the same manner. In such circumstances it is most necessary to break through the barrier of silence to reach out and connect.

This aspect will be covered in my next blog post. Not being Silent.

Till then take care and feel free to share your views on how you got on with experiencing SILENCE.

Love and Respect
Jaya Mudaliar

I was watching a video based on the life of a limbless Australian man named Nicholas Vujicic who has risen above his condition and gone on to inspire and turn around the lives of many people on the planet. I was bowled over by his attitude and all the wonderful work that he is doing to inspire young children and adults alike. There was loads of learning there for me. Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela Stephan Hawking, Christopher Reeves, Lionel Aldridge are some names that come to mind, who’ve been through periods of adversity and achieved success by serving and inspiring others. My thoughts of deepest love and respect to all the people who’ve turned their disability into an ability to serve and inspire others.

So, what is it that leads to the shift, when one stops dwelling on how bad things are and takes charge to see beyond their current situation? As they say it’s all a mind game. You see our thoughts are so powerful they dictate every action we take. All the beliefs, ideas and perceptions we hold about ourselves and the world dictate our behavior. It’s only when one goes beyond that and sees the beauty and perfection in the imperfection is one able to seize the moment that creates the shift.

There are many people who have been through various hardships and have been able to find the light and might within to carry on and move beyond their situation. On the other hand there are some who haven’t mustered up that courage yet. I remember being in this position once. It’s not that we don’t have that inner strength and resilience which helps us cope with the ups and downs of life, we all posses it. The only thing that comes in the way is the energy and focus one gives to all the bad that’s happened and gets into a cycle of questions such as why did this happen to me?, what have I done to deserve this? This is what becomes an obstacle in moving forward and stops you from trusting your ability in seeing the beauty and lessons that can be learnt from the current situation.

A small suggestion to all my readers, when you find yourself being caught up in the victimhood thought cycle. Pause for a moment and say to yourself why not me? What is it that I can do right now that will enable me in moving forward. Remember, we all have the power to face, it’s just that we don’t use that power at the right time and in the right manner. Listen to your inner voice (innate wisdom), it’s always there to guide you in the right direction. If you don’t feel inspired in doing anything in that moment don’t do it. Just pausing and reflecting is a good start that will help you gain clarity in taking the next step forward.

So, the question one needs to ask is, where in your life have you been viewing a current situation as an adversity or an opportunity to learn and grow? Do you want to take command and lead your life on your own terms, or are you quite happy to follow orders and be led by your current circumstances? This question deeply impacted me and changed the course of my life. It was during the darkest hour that i saw my own light.

Adversity reveals the genius within us. .

Please share this post with anyone who you think might benefit.

Love and Respect
Jaya Mudaliar

I’ve started a local wellbeing discussion group for people suffering with mental illnesses. There was a mixed response from the members to the question “What are you grateful for and celebrating in your life”? Some responded straightaway, some struggled for a while and some went blank and that’s what got me thinking. When do people start feeling good about themselves and life in general?

It’s often easy to appreciate and celebrate life when the going is great, on the contrary it seems like an impossible task to feel gratitude, when things don’t turn out the way we’d expect them to. This usually happens when one gets into a negative thinking cycle. When we focus more on what we don’t have and how life would or could have been if things were different, we tend to attract more of that negativity into our lives. On the other hand, when we shift our focus, from not having (lack), to having more than enough in the present moment (abundance), we tend to feel the joy that life has to offer.

We cannot control how events unfold in our life. What we can do is choose how we wish to perceive those events. No matter what you are looking at, you can find something wrong with it, something imperfect, something that is not okay. Don’t worry, if you look hard enough you’ll find it. There is also something ‘right’ with everything. No matter what you are looking at, you can find something right with it, something perfect. There remains, then, only one question: What are you going to look at? What are you choosing to notice? What is your perspective?

No matter how challenging your circumstances are or have been, there’s always something that you can learn from it. It’s what you appreciate and are grateful for in this moment, that leads to feelings of contentment and with contentment comes joy. So it’s not important to be happy to be grateful but the other way around. When you begin to feel good on the inside, those feelings will automatically be reflected on the outside, in your work and interactions with others.

Gratitude is a generating energy, which means it attracts more of the things you are grateful for. Having gratitude opens your heart to the universal source of energy from which all goodness flows. It’s the small things in life that are precious and bring much joy. What you focus on increases in intensity so the more you are grateful for all that life has to offer the greater will be your experience of it.

For those of you finding it hard to appreciate and celebrate the moment, experiment with thinking about one small thing that happened today or recently for which you are grateful and notice how you feel when you dwell on it. A small suggestion, make a list of all that you are grateful for in your life and if you want say it out loud. Notice how you feel. Enjoy your day living with that feeling. If you still can’t find a good enough reason to be grateful, then appreciate the fact that you are still alive and breathing and are willing and open to having a completely new and beautiful experience of life.

If things have been challenging in the past, know that all the trials and tribulations you face are like a passing cloud, they will move on. Right beneath the clouds the sun is always shining and ALL IS WELL . Be grateful for all of life’s learnings for they are blessings in disguise. Proceed with faith, courage and enthusiasm with a hope for the best in the future.

“The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see”. – Dr Robert Holden

Please share this article with anyone who you think might benefit.

Thankyou

Love and Respect
Jaya Mudaliar